i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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