I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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