Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
