the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
