I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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