Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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