I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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