Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
