I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
