I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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