Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
