Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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