Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
