My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
