Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
