It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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