Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize