we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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