I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
