we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
