If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
