1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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