I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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