i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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