I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
