i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
