I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
