I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
