I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
