Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
