I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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