2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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