I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
