ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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