My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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