NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
