i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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