its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
