What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
