Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
