No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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