You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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