No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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