Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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