Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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