Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
