alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
