Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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