Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
