I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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