Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
