sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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