Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
