it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The air was thick with penises
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
