so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
