I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
