I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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