i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
