if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
