Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
