I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
