allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
