I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
