You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
