Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We got so high we made milksteak
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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