Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i think my cat just said my name.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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