I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
