No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
