So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't notice because vodka
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
