great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
