He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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